All expressions of suicide must be taken seriously. At a time of suicidal crisis, a person's perception of reality is often quite different from actual reality. So do not assume that the situation will cure itself. It is far better to take action if the possibility of suicide exists than to risk having some one you care about dying.
People with depression or suicidal ideation can be hard to help, as they often feel hopeless and don't see the point of seeking help and feel that no one can help them. The type and amount of help you are able to provide is often dependent on your relationship with the person you are concerned about. Try to also remember that helping someone who is not ready to recognise they need help may be very difficult. The following strategies provide some guidance as to how to help a person with depression or suicidal ideation and things that aren't so helpful.
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When helping a young person in distress, remember to:
- Reinforce the person - using whatever technique you feel comfortable with to make the young person feel valued and worthwhile;
- Recognise the problem - recognising the young person's concerns about the problem and not denying the issue or its importance to the person;
- Refuse to accept suicide as a solution - presenting alternatives and discussing different perspectives with the adolescent in such a way as to avoid lecturing or preaching.
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What to do if someone you know talks about suicide
Step 1: Build support and trust
- Being there fully, make time to available to discuss their worries;
- Believing the person - take the claims seriously;
- Be calm and understanding - don't sound shocked by anything the person tells you;
- Be supportive and let the person know you care and are concerned about what happens to them;
- Acknowledging their fear, sadness or despair. Be willing to listen and hear. Reflect back the thoughts and feelings of the person (eg "It sounds as though you've been really unhappy");
- Providing reassurance without dismissing the problem.
Things to avoid
- Judging the person's problems (what is important is how they feel);
- Debating suicide as an option, moralising or challenging the person. (It may be more useful to accept what has been said
- Being judgemental or moralising
Step 2: Show that you're listening
- Concentrating carefully on their story and encourage them to talk by asking open questions about the way the person is thinking and feeling.
- You can do this by asking mainly open-ended questions, (what, where, how eg "How have things been for you lately?")
Things to avoid
- Diagnosing, analysing and interpreting
- Offering too much advice
- Becoming angry
- Panicking if they disclose suicidal thoughts,
- Allowing yourself to be sworn to secrecy;
- Interrupting with stories of your own
Step 3: Identify the risk of suicide
- Watch and listen for warning signs;
- Let them know that you have noticed a change in their behaviour;
- Show a willingness to discuss the issue of suicide openly and frankly, without being shocked or changing the topic.
- Be prepared to ask if the person is thinking of hurting or killing themselves (eg "Are things so bad you've thought about killing yourself?"). Contrary to popular belief, this will not give someone the "idea" of suicide.
- Trust your knowledge, observations and feelings;
- Assess the situation for risk of death (What do they say about when, where and how they intend to attempt suicide? This will tell you how long you have to get them to help).
Things to avoid
- Telling them things "aren't too bad".
- Feeling too anxious to ask whether they are thinking of harming or killing themselves, you do need to know.
- Put pressure on them by telling them to "...snap out of it...", "...get their act together..." or "...cheer up...";
Step 4: Take action
- Staying calm;
- Acknowledge the person's feelings of hopelessness;
- Informing the person that you must act on the information.
- Stay with the person if you're worried about their immediate safety
- Acknowledge the reality of suicide as a choice, but indicate that there are other alternatives;
- Convey a message of hope;
- Point out the consequences of suicide for the person and those left behind;
- Establish a plan for what is to happen next;
- Make sure they have no access to lethal weapons and medications.
- Tell others: colleagues, family and friends. Do not keep suicide a secret.
- Suggest that the person get professional help as soon as possible. Refer to the list of contacts in this kit. Help the person make this contact. Check that appointments are kept or help them get to appointments;
- If the person refuses or is incapable of seeking help, immediately consult with a professional for advice on how to handle the situation. This should be done with the parents' involvement. In an emergency, direct action without the consent of the parents may be necessary.
- Give 24-hour emergency contact numbers
- Getting support for yourself, and talking things over with someone you trust.
Things to avoid
- Staying away or avoiding them;
- Telling them they just need to stay busy or get out more;
- Pressuring them to party more or wipe out how they're feeling with drugs or alcohol; and,
- Assuming the problem will just go away.
Remember that someone who is suicidal does not necessarily want to die but rather wants to stop feeling the unbearable pain they are experiencing.
Last updated 11 July 2007
